violetcheetah: (Default)
In December, I posted the letter my mother sent me after she read my memoir about my father. After two months of subconscious percolation, I sat down last night and composed a response. I don't know if I will send it pretty much as it is, or if I should further temper my words. I'm not expecting a warm reply; my goal isn't to mollify and smooth things over, and I think anything honest I say is going to make her defensive, because my version of reality is... just not one she's comfortable with. I don't want to be wantonly provocative, but there were things she said that I couldn't not call out because they were unacceptable (which sounds like I'm disciplining a 5-year-old: "Timmy, that's unacceptable, you need a time-out.") and there were places where her version of events not only didn't fit my memory, but seemed to contradict themselves or contradict facts. It worries me. Denial and defensiveness are understandable, but when I can't see the internal logic... well, she's 70, and she still seemed pretty mentally sharp when I was visiting in September, but I'm a worrier. Anyway, I welcome any thoughts on whether I'm too harsh, not harsh enough, not clear enough, whatever.

Also, if you want to read the memoir that is the source of the friction, it's gonna be free on Kindle tomorrow, presumably from about midnight to midnight Pacific Time.

My reply behind the cut )




violetcheetah: (Default)
So, on November 23, I wrote about the enlightening phone conversation I'd had about a month earlier with my mother, regarding the memoir I wrote about my father. I had locked the post at the time, but I don't really feel a need to keep it private, and while there's a good bit of revenge in my motives, I also want the input of more people who know the people in question, and I want the following letter to be accessible to other people I don't know who might have a similar family dynamic, so they can feel less alone.

[I'll try to keep the editorializing to a minimum; my own notes will be in square brackets.]Read more... )

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Violet Wilson

October 2016

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